(Written 21st November 2011) It is exactly five years since my laryngectomy operation. To remove an aggressive carcinoma sarcoma my surgeon took the whole of my voice-box. Before the operation I asked what the alternatives were. Another surgeon told me, “You have at the most two months to live”. Now five years on I am cured of cancer, but I am living 24/7 with the life-changing consequences of the treatment. My reader will notice there are two distinct parts to that statement which sum up how I feel. I have had one further cancer removed from my throat in April 2009. I am on three-monthly check-ups at the oncology clinic. As far as it is possible to say, I am cured of cancer. The threatening alternative “two months to live” has been removed. For that I am largely thankful. But I admit to frequently struggling with the second part of my statement: the fallout – the collateral damage – the side-effects – the discomfort and frequent pain caused by the necessary treatment. 1. I cannot use my voice to preach and teach as I used to. I especially miss my involvement with Arabs and Africans in Khartoum, Sudan. That one country has recently become two. There are difficulties foreseen for the congregation I used to pastor, in what is now a stricter Islamic state. How I long to be there to try and help them see God’s hand in all the necessary changes. But I am not able. 2. I cannot converse easily with other people in a noisy room. My new artificial voice prosthesis makes me sore quite quickly as I try to let people hear me above the background hubbub. My lack of vocal cords means other parts of my inner throat do the rubbing and vibrating. It is well worth this soreness in order to keep communicating with people, but at church, in concert intervals, at the rugby ground, in bowls club meetings, after funerals, and even with just six around the dinner table, it is hard to get a word in unless folk are very, very aware and considerate. But enough of my new quiet voice! 3. I cannot get enough breath to walk unhindered as I used to. Redruth, the town where I live, has some steep hills within its boundaries. Brenda and I live towards the top of the town. Walking down to the shops or the church is very little problem. Walking back up the hill is a very different story! I have now worked out several good stopping places to perch my bottom while I regain breath. A bag of shopping in each hand means it is impossible to do anything except mouth, smile and nod to greet friends. I have tried various types of HME cassettes (Humidity & Moisture Exchangers – my changeable noses!) but to little avail. The Hi-flow ones are best for me walking uphill, but I still find I have to take whichever one I am wearing out completely before I arrive home. I do regularly try the Hands-Free device, but find it takes more breath to use it well. I am not up to that yet. While on the subject of HME cassettes: 4. I must be very careful bending forward because the cassette easily gets blocked. This applies when walking, lifting up heavy bags in the shops, bowling, gardening, even picking up something I, or someone else, has dropped on the floor. Mucous normally secreted by blowing your nose, together with collated moisture from the oesophagus, collects to ooze and smother the breathing holes in the HME. This requires a very quick removal, coughs to clear more, and ultimate replacement of the useful – but now offending (by attempted murder!) – cassette. 5. I get violent neck and throat cramps. These have developed in the last two years and I take tablets to try and control them, so far with limited success. These cramps are painful and frightening. Stretching the throat seems to be the best way of stopping the cramp but I am aware how strange this can appear in a shop, in a church service or in a home group. The tablets appear to have made them less violent and sudden. I am still taken unawares by them, notably when I come in from a cold outdoors and drink a lovely hot cup of coffee. One day I think I will drop the hot drink over myself, but to date Brenda has been on hand to take it from me. All in a carer’s duty! I also often get cramps in the shower, cleaning my teeth and cleaning my stoma. All times when I hold my head at a particular angle. 6. I have precious little of my own saliva and so my teeth and gums go largely unprotected. My dentist, who is very aware of my condition and the effects of the operation and radiotherapy, prescribed a special toothpaste right from the beginning. Now she has just told me that she sees the first signs of a softening of my front teeth. I am to have one of them filled next week. Colgate have just brought out a stronger version of the toothpaste which my dentist has immediately prescribed for me. I have just brought eight tubes home from the chemist, enough to last until my next four-monthly check up. I am aware of an often dry mouth for which I usually carry an artificial saliva spray. I regularly get painful blood blisters in my mouth although neither the GP or dentist have linked these with any of my past or present treatment. I did not suffer from them before my laryngectomy although that proves nothing. 7. I have some difficulty in swallowing food. Some seems to get caught on the back of my voice prosthesis. The surgeon has said that there is a little shelf there and it could be holding things up. Anything up to three hours after eating I can suddenly have an undigested mouthful of food or drink brought back. This can be very awkward if I am out from home. My speech therapist gave me some exercises to do several years ago. The more time passes the less effective these seem to be. I am due a valve change (I have had this valve six months) so I will ask her then if she has any other ideas. 8. My mind and head were dulled by the painkilling drugs I was taking. Since the radiotherapy in May to August 2009 I have taken various drugs to deaden the persistent left side of face, ear and neck pain. The oncologist and the surgeon bantered with each other over who had caused it. One blamed the other’s collateral damage with the radiotherapy. The other blamed the one for cutting the trigeminal nerve. I didn’t mind who caused it. I was more interested in who could cure it! The hospital pain clinic put me on to more and more morphine related drugs which did take the edge from the pain, but sadly concurrently stole the sharpness from my mind and the creativity of my brain. Three stellate ganglion injections have to date meant I have become free of my dependence on these fearsome drugs and I now take only the very minimum dose via an arm patch, changed every three days. 9. Now I must move on to a real battle in my mind and heart. All the previous items are practical difficulties due to my condition. This last one is a psychological challenge or a spiritual battle that I face daily. It is perhaps linked to Nos.1 & 2 above as my reader may see. I have mentioned elsewhere that I am a practising Christian. I believe in the Sovereign Creator God who is in total control of our world and everything within and beyond it. Therefore, to quote myself from an earlier biography, I believe “God lent me a voice for 57 years before He took it back again”. I am now 62 years old. There is no doubt in my mind that I believe this quote. However every day I battle to accept this same truth and its consequences. For example just yesterday in church the congregation were singing a song with the lines, “May my voice lift your name my God” and “May my voice sing your praise for ever”. I baulked when we arrived at those lines. I don’t usually sing, or read the congregational responses, as I cannot breathe quickly enough and just end up coughing disturbingly loudly. This does mean I can concentrate on the words – perhaps even more than the folk around me who are singing their hearts out! How can my “voice” lift praise to God now? If it is not in some research lab being pickled, it has long since been buried or incinerated. I easily get to feeling very down when I allow myself to think of what might have been if I still had my “given” voice: · I wonder what would have been our role in Sudan, with all its changes. Perhaps I would have been back travelling the country teaching and encouraging groups of pastors and church leaders as I had done between 1979 and 1999, before Brenda and I moved to live in Khartoum. · Even if we were back in England still in the preaching ministry, perhaps we would have been raising prayer support and practical support for our beloved Sudanese brethren and sisters. · Or helping develop the teaching for Christian leaders I had helped begin in Cornwall during the nineties. As mentioned above I find church is one of the hardest places for me now. Unable to sing or respond in the readings (I can usually say “Amen” at the end of those), unable to participate in open times of sharing or open prayer because people cannot hear me (and it would make an inordinate kerfuffle for me to get up to the microphone or for the microphone to get down to me), unable to speak and be heard during the after-service coffee and refreshments (firstly because of the general hubbub and secondly because drinking and speaking don’t mix for a laryngectomee), I feel my loss more in church than anywhere else. This does not stop me going. It does mean I have a real struggle every Sunday. Two churches have asked me to speak to their congregations in the last twelve months, but neither has asked since asked me back. I wonder, does this mean I was difficult to listen to or hard to understand? Nobody tells me this. Would they be entirely honest if I directly asked them? My own church has recently asked Brenda and I to host and to lead a home group for 16 people fortnightly, on Thursday mornings. My voice has so far been reliable during the hour and a half meetings, so much so that I have led a thirty minute Bible study discussion without too much difficulty. Mind you, I do have a very sympathetic and understanding audience in that group! My spiritual battles with these things in and around church tell me that I have not yet fully accepted what has happened to my voice and my work, even though five years have now past. I know the theology adds up. I totally accept God has every right to do what He knows is for the best. He is always right, even when it does not appear so to me (or to others). When I sit at my computer typing articles which will be almost immediately sent to Christian leaders in Sudan, or submitted to the American magazine Grace & Truth’s editor for possible publication in a year or so’s time, on a good day I can see that God has possibly widened my ministry. We certainly receive many encouraging letters or emails from readers in various unheard-of places. But, and I am being as honest with myself and with you, my reader, as I can be, on other days I find Romans 8:28 awfully hard to accept where my voice is concerned. “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. This is a daily challenge for me, and a challenge I don’t always win. I request your prayers for me as I battle to win the victory of Jesus each and every day. I read and reread Philippians 1:19-27, especially verse 23, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far”. When people ask me how I am and I reply with that verse, they look at me as if I am mad, even Christian people! It does seem that God has purposes in my dilly-dallying around on this earth. My daughter lovingly reminds me I can see my two grandsons beginning to grow up, and also that they can get to know me. The little bit of writing, and publishing in Sudan, God has enabled me to do, is being used to the building up of other Christian lives. So my own prayer is from verse 21, “So that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death, for (I hope that) to me to live is Christ and to die is gain”. (bracket insertion mine).

The Master's instructions about the Christian life. (1 John 1:5-2:6). There is not a Christian alive who does not want to be a better person than he already is. Neither is there one who would like other people to know all the thoughts he has in his head. Neither is there one who does not lose to temptation at some time. Sin always erects a barrier between a person and God. The non-Christian needs that barrier removed by Jesus Christ. When he repents of his sin and responds in faith to Jesus’ death and resurrection he receives forgiveness for his sin. Even though the disciple of Christ has a new attitude towards sin and will do his best to turn away from it – choosing to follow the will of God for his life – it is a sad fact that Christians do sin. From time to time all will violate the will of God. 1 John 1:5-2:6 helps answer the question: ‘What should you do when this happens to you?’ Recognise the fact that you have sinned (1 John 1:10) It may be a wrong act such as telling a lie or losing your temper. It may be a wrong attitude, such as holding resentment or being jealous. It may be a wrong ambition, such as wanting to serve God in a way He doesn’t want you to. All these are sin and must be admitted as such before God. Covering sin over will have a similar effect to putting a plaster over a cut with dirt still in it. The poison will fester. Realize the results of your sin in your relationship with God (Isaiah 59:2) A holy God cannot live in close relationship with a sinful person. He will withhold himself from us until we learn what is displeasing him, and deal with it. Every sin drives a wedge between us and God. It needs to be removed – not hammered in further. Realise the results of sin in your relationship with other believers (1 John 1:7) Any sin that is not dealt with will disrupt a church. Non-Christians will accuse the Christian church of being ‘no different from anyone else’ if the fellowship of the pub is more genuine than that of the parish church. Any believer whose relationship with God is cool will be a weak link in the church’s struggle with the enemy, Satan. The enemy always knows where the weak links are and he uses them to the utmost. The word ‘light’ means ‘holy living’. Jesus Christ Himself is the Light of the world. He was sinless on earth as He taught men to live according to God’s will. Mankind has always preferred to live as if there is no God. John 3:19 speaks of men choosing to please themselves rather than God. What men do not realise is the warning of Proverbs 28:13, that ‘he who conceals his sins does not prosper’. The wise author goes on to say that mercy is promised to the person who ‘confesses and renounces’ his sin. Receive forgiveness and cleansing from God himself (1 John 1:9) To receive specific cleansing from sin you must make specific confession of sin. You cannot experience the forgiveness of God if you have not agreed that you need forgiveness. God wants you to be aware of the details in your life that displease Him. His Holy Spirit will bring them to your attention one by one. You must then choose either to confess that sin and receive cleansing from it, or to cover that sin over and suffer the painful future consequences. If you choose the latter there will be an immediate break in your close walk with God. If you choose the former you are ‘cleansed from all unrighteousness’ and your close walk with Him is restored. Rely on God when tempted to sin again (1 Corinthians 10:13) If you want to resist temptation, God will help you. If you do not want to, He will sadly watch you drift away from Him. If you want to live near God, God will live near you and look after you. He will encourage you to win battles against sin. He will also gently reach out to restore you when you lose from time to time. Psalm 119:11 tells us the Bible is of great use in the battle. Discussion guide on ‘Learning to Confess Sin’ Read 1 John 1:5 –2:6. 1. Why is it important for Christians to confess their sin to God? 2. According to 1 John 2:3-6, what is the evidence of a person having become a genuine Christian? 3. Suppose, at the end of a day, you were quietly reviewing your life and you became acutely aware of some sin . What should you do? Why? 4. Why do some Christians never see an answer to prayer and never see God use them? See Isaiah 59:1-2. What should they do? Why? 5. If we are concerned because we constantly let God down, how does 1 John 1:9 help us? Whose faithfulness do we rely on for our forgiveness? 6. Share practical ways Christians may pause to review their own lives and confess sin to Almighty God. Think of individual ways, but also ways Christians may do this together.

Issues facing Christians in Sudan and South Sudan today. Suffering section. Life often appears very unfair for a Christian. He or she sincerely tries to honour God. Every choice made follows the Bible’s truth. The right way is followed even when it would cost less to do wrong. Yet as a result the Christian may continue to suffer, sometimes experiencing even more hardship. Is this how the Christian life should be? Most people think that if a person does the right action, in a good attitude, then the best result will soon follow. But our experiences in life tell us that doesn’t always work. Why not? In my own ministry sometimes I feel like Jeremiah. He said: “You are always righteous, O Lord, when I bring a case before you. Yet I would speak with you about your justice: Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?” Jeremiah 12:1. Jeremiah served God over 40 years during the largely disastrous reigns of five kings. Encouraging attempts at reform disappointingly fizzled out. Jeremiah stood against worldly kings, prophets and priests. This brought rejection by his fellows, Jeremiah 11:18-19, 18:18; by his family, 12:6; imprisonment and threats from his peers 20:2, 36:26; 38:6 (the cistern from which he was rescued probably by a Northern Sudanese!). Sometimes he even felt rejected by God, 15:15-18. There I have been times in my own life, usually after a tough few months or years have passed, when I can look back on difficult events now finished. Then, because I have passed through the difficulties, I may be able to feel like Joseph. He said to his own brothers who had sold him to slave traders over 13 years before: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”. Genesis 50:20. Joseph lived through 13 years of rejection by his brothers, including slavery, false accusation, wrongful imprisonment, and being overlooked by others he had personally helped. Genesis 37:2—41:46. Amazingly, he seems to have honoured God in his life all of this time and in every circumstance. Genesis 39:2-6; 39:21-23; 40:8; 41:16; 41:25; 41:41:28; 41:32; 41:37-40. How can we live as God wants us to live when we face trouble and persecution—much of which comes because we are trying to honour God? For myself I have to learn, and keep in my mind, what our Lord Jesus meant by His words: “great is your reward in heaven”. “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you”. Matthew 5:11,12. Persecution and suffering because of our following Jesus is a reason for looking away from this world and thinking about heaven. This focus puts proper perspective into our lives. There may never be recompense for being wronged in this lifetime. “Christianity” that promises material wealth and perfect health all the time you live on earth is not the Christianity experienced by the New Testament believers. John the Baptist faithfully followed God by his way of life and by his preaching the need for people to repent, Matthew 3:8. Jesus saw John as the last of the great Old Testament prophets and the chosen introducer of the Kingdom of God, Luke 16:16. Yet John was beheaded in a government prison. He lived and died for the future Kingdom. Stephen was one of the church’s first servant administrators, Acts 6:5. He was a man “full of faith and of the Holy Spirit”. He crowned this ministry (his Greek name means “crown”) by witnessing wisely and boldly, 6:8-10. The opposition he faced led to his early death. He had a chance to speak to the whole Jewish ruling council, the Sanhedrin. He faithfully outlined how people were continually rejecting God’s work, Acts 7. He spoke correctly about Jesus, but the response of his audience was to refuse to listen any more and to stone him to death, 7:57-60. Stephen died thinking about heaven, not about his suffering on earth. Paul, who is called Saul in Acts 7:60-8:1, was a convert from Judaism to Christianity. The persecution he himself had inflicted on many Christians, Acts 8:3; 26:9-11; he quickly attracted on to himself, Acts 9:22-24; 9:28-29. During his travelling preaching he was frequently in physical danger of attack, Acts 13:49-50; 14:5-6; 14:19; 17:13; 19:26-32. Paul was imprisoned more than once, Acts 16:22-24; 21:27-36; 23:10-11; 27:1-2; 28:16. Although his body was under Roman house arrest, Paul’s spirit was freely sharing Jesus Christ with everyone who visited him, Acts 28:30-31. The Christian church in the New Testament was a suffering church. Jesus had forewarned His earliest disciples it would be—while it was here on this earth, Matthew 5:11-12. Early believers lived for a heaven reward, not an earthly one. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself was the greatest example of this way of being governed in the present by the future. Jesus was obediently in the centre of God the Father’s will when He suffered and died on the cross. Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”. Jesus said focus your attention onto heaven. “Great is your reward in heaven”. The thought of what will happen in heaven can bring a smile to your face even when your heart, your dreams and your body are being broken. Early church leader James, a later born brother of our Lord Jesus, wrote: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”. James 1:2-4. Trouble comes to us sometimes, not because of our sinfulness but because of our faithfulness! Having a relationship with the living God does not protect us from bad happenings in this life—but it helps us know how to respond to them in a Christian way. When I lived in Khartoum I sometimes went to the boat building yards on the river Nile’s western shore along from Abu Rof. The men who worked there knew what to do with wood in order to make it useful in building their boats. The wood was seasoned to dry it and to strengthen it. It was cut to size to make it fit. It was planed to be smooth. It was jointed and then sealed to be waterproof. I imagine if a tree had feelings and could speak it would say: “Stop! Why are you hurting me so much?” The answer, of course, would be this. “If you want to be useful as a boat, then you must go through all of these processes, painful though they are”. When I suffer in my life I try and remember that I have placed my life into the hands of the Master carpenter, my Lord Jesus Christ. I can comfortably trust that He knows what is best. He is working to a plan. The end product will be absolutely wonderful. With my mind set on this, I am secure. By looking at 1 Peter 4:19 let me conclude trying to underline how Christians can respond when persecution threatens to overwhelm them. I’ll break the verse into phrases. “So then, / those who suffer / according to God’s will / should / commit themselves / to their faithful Creator / and continue to do good”. “So then” links the verse into the whole letter Peter is writing. He is writing to Christians scattered throughout the world, 1 Peter 1:1, telling them not to be surprised at their painful trials, 1 Peter 4:12. “those who suffer” implies that some more than others are chosen by God for this. (Although a measure of persecution is promised to all who live godly lives, 2 Timothy 3:12). “according to God’s will” gives great comfort! Since it IS God’s will it will work out ultimately for our good: God will see me and take me through it God will choose when and how it will end The events are not out of control, but in God’s control I will become stronger, more Christ-like, through it because God is the craftsman working on me Others may be helped by seeing Jesus in me “should” allows for right and wrong responses to this. There is a Christian response and a less-than-Christian response. “commit themselves” involves at least one step of faith and may be several of them! Concentrate on God, not the trouble. Keep placing yourself in God’s hands. 1 Corinthians 4:12 “.. when we are persecuted, we endure it”. “to their faithful Creator”. Knowing God in His character is a great help while suffering. God is good, Psalm 106:1. God is holy, Exodus 15:11. God is kind, Romans 11:22. God is merciful, Ephesians 2:4-5. God is faithful in keeping His promises, Deuteronomy 32:3-4. God will never contradict His own character in His dealings with anyone. “and continue to do good”. No excuses accepted. No exceptions made. Jesus went around doing good, Acts 10:38; and so should we—even to our enemies who hate us, Luke 6:27. He was rejected, and ultimately crucified. We must expect to be mistreated and persecuted. Scanning the entire letter we can learn that: Suffering is temporary 1:6. Suffering improves genuine faith 1:7. Suffering focuses on the invisible God 1:8, 23 Suffering was promised to Jesus Christ 1:11 Suffering is overcome by an attitude of mind 1:13 Suffering is a personal witness choice 2:11,12 Suffering may well be unfair 2:19 God is aware of our suffering 2:20 Our Lord Jesus Christ’s example is to be followed 2:21 He did not retaliate although He could have 2:23 Suffering is to be seen as a blessing 3:14 A right attitude to our suffering is a witness to those around us 3:15 Suffering—right or wrong—can be in God’s will 3:17 Our Christian reaction to our suffering shows how our spiritual lives are more important than the physical 4:1 Suffering should be expected 4:12 Suffering is fellowship with Jesus 4:13 Suffering brings special blessing from God 4:14 Not all suffering is God’s will for the believer! 4:15 Suffering for Jesus’ name is a good reason to praise God 4:16. Jeremiah, Joseph, John, Stephen, Paul, James and Peter were simply people like us. They knew the presence of God the Holy Spirit in their lives as we do. As they followed Jesus in their daily decisions, He made them into fishers of men. These Bible people sometimes felt angry. Other times they felt alone. From time to time the Bible records some of them arguing with God—or with Jesus here on earth—over what was right to happen and what was not. Yet as we have surveyed some of the Bible’s teaching on this subject we notice an undeniable theme common to all of them. The pain of persecution and suffering really hurts. But the price is one we are called to pay as Christians following our Lord. It is part of taking up our cross every day and following the Lord Jesus, Luke 9:23. Since Jesus paid for us when He died on His cross, there can be no price too high for us to pay as we live to honour Him. Discussion guide Using this chapter and Scriptures quoted: 1. Why do you think Jesus pointed to the heavenly reward for those who suffer on earth? Matthew 5:10-12; Matthew 24:44-47. 2. Share how various New Testament characters suffered for their faith. How did they look at their life on earth? What did they think about heaven? Which one inspires you most? Why? 3. Explain what it means for a Christian to be “governed in the present by the future”. 4. Using 1 Peter 4:19 try to develop how you can encourage any suffering Christian. 5. “There is a Christian response and a less-than-Christian response” (to suffering). Why do some Christians make a less-than-Christian response? How can they be helped towards a Christian response? 6. Choose the best specific verse from 1 Peter and explain from it what your Christian response to persecution or other suffering should be. What is most difficult about the response? How may other Christians help you? 7. Why do you think Paul wrote, “Everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted”, 2 Timothy 3:12. Don’t forget to look at the passage surrounding this verse, at least chapters 3 & 4

Christian theology in a Sudanese context. God the Holy Spirit and our Christian experience. ‘The fellowship of the Holy Spirit’ is His amazing, active, presence in our lives. He does whatever is necessary to deepen our awareness of Jesus Christ’s Person and will. He also enables us to love God and to do His will (Romans 5:5). The Holy Spirit was present at creation (Genesis 1:2, Hebrew – ‘ruach Elohim’). He is the One Who brings order and form out of chaos. He also sustains the creation (Psalm 104:27-30). Whenever you see a truck-load of sugar-cane going to the refinery, remember the harvest is an evidence of God’s Spirit at work. The whole of nature gives us patterns of God at work. God also gives gifts and skills to people by His Spirit (Exodus 31:1-6; 35:30-36:1). While everyone can do something, God especially equips some people to be able to do certain tasks. He also gives them the responsibility to teach others to help in the work. Moses appointed seventy men to work with him in leading the people and God put the Holy Spirit on them all (Numbers 11:16; also verses24-30). Balaam prophesied when “the Spirit of God came upon him”, although the circumstances were not suitable for him (Numbers 24:2). There are plenty of other examples in the Old Testament where the Spirit of God is sent to ‘come upon’ people (see: Othniel, Judges 3:9-10; Gideon, Judges 6:34; Jephthah, Judges 11:29; Saul, 1 Samuel 11:6; David, 1 Samuel16:13; Azariah, 2 Chronicles 15:1). As another study, you could look up the word ‘Spirit’ in a Concordance, and see how many of the references in the Old Testament are to the Holy Spirit ‘coming upon’ people. A strong link is established between the Holy Spirit and prophecy – that is, speaking the words of God. Nehemiah summarises this: “For many years (God), You were patient with (Your people). By Your Spirit You admonished them through Your prophets. Yet they paid no attention ..” (Nehemiah 9:30). Reading through Kings and Chronicles, the lives of prophets such as Elijah, there are few examples of ‘the Spirit coming upon’ them actually being said in those words. A phrase with a similar result seems to be “the word of the Lord came to him” (for example: 1 Kings 17:2, 8, 14, 24; 1 Kings 18:1; “the power of the Lord came upon Elijah”1 Kings 18:46; 1 Kings 19:9 etc.). Devout people watching Elijah were able to say his activities were under the control of the Spirit of God (1 Kings 18:12; 2 Kings 2:16). But there was no single formula used to fit every experience. There is no doubt that the Holy Spirit on God’s chosen person, enabled them to know and to do God’s will. The Holy Spirit gave wisdom, authority, boldness, direction, and evidence that this was God Himself Who was at work. Perhaps we can best say that God ‘stirred’ people to accomplish what He wanted at the time (see of Samson, Judges 13:24,25). This ‘stirring’ excites, stimulates, awakens and moves people. Through the Holy Spirit, God became the dynamic of a person’s life. The breath of God was evident. God gave strong evidence through these people, usually at the times they gave themselves strongly over to Him. The two questions of Psalm 139:7 highlight the Holy Spirit as the very presence of God in a tangible way. His presence is obvious and can be known. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?” Throughout the Old Testament there is always a hope of something more. The prophets say that a new era is coming which will release the Holy Spirit in a new way. It will all hinge on the coming of the Messiah – the long awaited King of God’s people (Isaiah 11:1-3; 44:3; Ezekiel 36:24-30; Joel 2:28-32). The fuller presence of the Holy Spirit, poured out under the sovereignty of God, will bring yet greater blessing from God, to His people and through them to the world. Thinking it through. (a). Read the story of Gideon, Judges 6-8, and discuss ‘why and how’ the Holy Spirit came into his life and ministry. (b). Is it only 6:34? (c). Why do you think there are so few references to the Holy Spirit being on Elijah? (See 1 Kings 17-19 and 2 Kings 1-2). (d). Discuss if there are any differences between ‘the Spirit of God’ and ‘the presence of God’. Share from your own experiences.

(written 11th September 2012) Six years and four weeks have passed (on 19th December 2012) since my first cancer operation – a laryngectomy, or removal of the voice box. Some days I feel sad knowing what I have lost, missed and miss. Other days I feel pleased to be able to enjoy my grandchildren, to be with my wife, and together watch our two children develop through their maturity. My own calling still seems to be to write for the Sudanese Christians. Many of them know far worse physical suffering than I am called to go through. I hear from them on emails. Especially heart-­‐wrenching are from those who are being bombed in the Nuba Mountains. I have lobbied the British Government through our MP, but the answer always seems to be, “We know, you are right, but we can’t do anything”. I am able to write 18 Encouragement articles per year and to distribute them through my own website, by email and occasionally even good old-­‐fashioned post! Writing is supposed to be relevant to their situation. Articles in 2012 have included “Dealing with Tribal Unrest”; “Stop the War, Now”; “Praying for National Leaders”; “Polygamy and Christian Values”; “Do to Others as you would have them Do to You”; “Love Your Enemies”; “On Being Uprooted”; etc. Every article takes prayer and meditation, research in the Scriptures, and trying to imagine myself living where the readers are living. In a good week I am blessed by seeing how God graciously still uses me to encourage these dear suffering people of His. But, to be honest, I must admit there are plenty of bad days when I wish this life was over. Then I could be at peace, pain free, in eternity! My ability to tolerate pain is not very good. And it seems to be getting smaller and smaller. A friend of mine over 30 years, a missionary to several places, latterly focused on Romania, recently went to his heavenly home. I was asked by his widow to “preach the gospel” at his funeral. I spoke for some 10 minutes on two Bible texts – “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, Romans 3:23; and “Christ in you, the hope of glory”, Colossians 1:27. People getting into a right relationship with Jesus Christ is the ONLY answer to the world’s problems. Altogether in 2012 I led 20 home Bible studies and preached for 6 services. (Years passed that number could well have been 50 home studies (or classes) and 250 sermons!). I am still trying to remember to let go of the past and to live in the present for the future. This is a daily challenge. An example of what I mean is here below. I jotted it down before (and during!) a service at my church, Redruth Baptist. Brenda and I shared it with our prayer partners on a letter, and RBC also used it in the weekly Fellowship News. It has blessed others. I pray now, it will bless you too: My disability – entrusted to me by God – means I cannot join in congregational singing, or times of open prayer and testimony, not even chatting fellowship in noisy rooms! It’s nobody’s fault! And I’m not complaining. Because this is some of what I see… Windows letting in God’s created light, Flowers showing off the glory of God, An arch reaching up to God’s transcendence, The cross, the highest point of God’s love here on earth. A pulpit reminder that God still speaks to us, A jug and glass with water, God’s material of creation, Bibles and banners with God’s more direct revelation. A Newssheet with communication about God’s work hereabouts, Loudspeakers and other electronics giving clarity to God’s word, Musicians playing and singing to God’s praise and worship, Drums rhythmically mimicking God’s heartbeat. Different people gathering to show many of God’s people types, Babies to grand-­‐oldies with a variety of God-­‐given experiences, Chairs offering comfort for fellowship in God’s house, Joining sockets - since it is God who has brought us together. Table spread and awaiting the 2nd coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, Bread, the body of that single suffering, substitutionary God-­‐man, Red grape juice, the dying blood of God’s Son our Saviour, Jesus. Teachers and children giving and receiving God’s plan for young lives. God’s offering boxes, too small to get ourselves in, so it has to be cash, The Food Bank where we can show practical help to people God loves. Windows letting our light of the world reflect beyond to God’s world, Handshakes, hugs and kisses; we all know the need for God’s touch. A benediction with hand upraised, to leave with God’s blessing, Stairs reminding us to be careful walking for God this coming week. The exit door, and way into God’s everyday opportunities for us.

Issues facing Christians in Sudan today. Suffering section. What does the book of Job teach us about suffering? Have you ever looked at a big impressive car and wondered what it would be like to drive it around your town? Six years ago, when my life appeared to go badly wrong, a good friend told me it was “time to take my Christian theology on a test drive”. I was a Bible teacher for 25 years in UK and Sudan. My study of God and application of the Bible into daily life, had always ‘looked’ good. What would it ‘live’ like now in the ups and downs, especially in the downs, of every day life? During 2001 my relatively good health disappeared. These last eight years what I believe – and what I used to be able to preach – has been severely tested. I reread the book of Job several times. I have spent hours thinking it over in God’s presence, often in physical pain. I confess I have been disappointed at what God seems to be doing with my life. I have become frustrated at my inability to do what I knew God had called me to. However, the facts today are, instead of pastoring an exciting church in an African capital city, I am constantly spending time with doctors in hospitals. I discovered that the book of Job is mainly about God. I have learned that my suffering – my pain, misery and loss – is largely about God too. What is my gracious Heavenly Father doing with the life I have trusted over to Him? Probably the oldest book in our Bible shows my Father dealing with a wealthy, God-fearing, sheikh named Job. It raises two essential applications for us: Why do we worship God? What happens to that worship when God does not do what we think He should? In Job 1 and 2 the ever rebellious Satan disputes the words and works of God. He challenges Job’s motives for fearing God. He doubts Job’s honest morality. Trying to prove God wrong Satan removes Job’s wealth and health. In chapters 3-37, four men speak with Job about his desperate suffering. In chapters 38-41 God Himself speaks. Chapter 42 describes the results in everyone’s lives. I submit to you twelve things I have learned about suffering during my living with God and the book of Job in recent years. 1. Suffering is for heaven’s purposes Job 1:6-8, 2:1-3 Our God reigns over all! We are given a glimpse of one of heaven’s council meetings in God’s presence. We discover even angels and spirit-beings are fully accountable to our great creator God. Although Job never knew any of this (as far as we know), everything that happened in the story subsequently did so because of an exchange of views started by God at this council. When we see or experience suffering it is good to keep in mind there may be purposes God has which are not apparent to us. A good question to ask is: ‘What is going on in heaven to make this happen?’ 2. There is such a thing as ‘undeserved suffering’ Job 1:1-3, 1:5, 1:8, 1:22, 2:3 Suffering is not prevented by religious observance or by material wealth. God’s protection of people or things we hold dear cannot be bought with any kind of currency. Job regularly presented his family to God acting as a priest. Godly habits are always important. But being right in the eyes of God does not make any person (or others he/she prays for) immune from suffering. It is wrong to believe that if we are righteous we will necessarily prosper in things of this world. 3. Suffering really hurts! Job 2:12,13 When God created humankind He was pleased with the humanity He had made, Genesis 1:31. God knew we could feel physical and emotional pain, yet He was pleased with the good results of His creating. Job lost his livestock to rustlers and a lightning strike. He lost his adult children to a hurricane haboob. He who was blessed with wealth and health became bereft of both. This hurt him deeply within. Outside, his infested skin acutely hurt too. His suffering was visible to others. Job’s wife became overwhelmed, frustrated and angry. It is incredibly hard to watch a loved-one suffer and feel helpless to prevent it. (Ask my Mama Brenda). She urged Job to do what he knew was wrong in God’s sight, Job 2:9;1:5. They became at odds with each other, adding to both their pain. Job’s lament shows his deep agony and bitterness of soul, 3:1-3. His situation seemed hopeless, 14:13. Suffering brought loneliness to Job even though ‘friends’ were with him, 19:13-21. It was so hard for him. Yet we know he was still blessed and actually being used by God! 4. Suffering is under God’s strict control Job 1:12, 2:6 God holds all ultimate power. God puts everything Job had into Satan’s hands, but He sets limits to what Satan can do. The Lord permits so much, but no more. Satan is first forbidden to physically harm Job. Then he must let him live. God is sovereign. God could intervene to stop suffering any time. When He chooses not to, it is because there is a higher purpose. Our Lord Jesus refused to call angels to save Him from the cross because He lived and died for much more than His own physical wellbeing, Matthew 4:5-7; 27:41-43. 5. Suffering comes from God’s hand Job 1:21; 2:10; 19:6, 19:21; 42:8 The raiding parties, lightning strike and wind were all Satan’s work for which God was willing. Ultimately they came from the Lord. God said to Satan: “…you incited me against him”, Job 2:3 N.I.V. (italics mine). Satan becomes the hand of God, 2:5,6. Job recognised this, 6:4; 12:9; 13:21; 16:7; 19:21; 23:2; 27:2; 30:11. The narrator confirms it, 42:11. When Satan struck Job the sheikh felt the hand of God. Peter and the disciples eventually discerned God’s hand in the awful crucifixion of the Lord Jesus, Acts 2:22-23, 32. Paul knew God’s gift during his debilitating ministry preparation, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. To say ‘suffering comes from Satan and not from God’ offers no comfort to anyone. It implies Satan has taken over control of the world: God is no longer able to restrain him! I have learned to believe God runs every day of my life for me and all around me, even while I suffer, Psalm 139:16. God works discreetly – so I cannot always tell what He is doing. I do know God tests people. I do know God is holy, wise, loving and perfectly able. The pain God gives is the pain of a surgeon’s scalpel, not a torturer’s tools. Our Lord Jesus said “…It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell”, Matthew 5:29,30 N.I.V. 6. Suffering reveals why we love God Job 1:9-11 God wanted to demonstrate to Satan Job’s inner motives. Did they match up to his outward appearance as a man of God? Satan asked, “Would Job worship you if he got nothing out of it?”, Job 1:9 G.N.B. What is inside of us is often seen on the outside when we suffer. Usually those most intimate with us get the best view. We show what we really are when we are reduced to nothing but existence. Do we serve God for what we get or simply for who He is? Are we ‘free-rice Christians’, or ‘good-job Christians’, or ‘secure-home Christians’? Self-serving worship is not really worship at all. It is idolatry. It breaks the first and second commandments, Exodus 20:2-4. God knows inner integrity produces consistently right behaviour. Suffering purges the Christian of impure motives. Job passed his test more than once, Job 1:22; 2:3; 2:10. When Christ is our only treasure then to die is total gain, Philippians 1:21. 7. Suffering can be accepted worshipfully Job 1:20; 2:10 By deliberate faith let God be God for every event in and around your life. Faith in the caring providence of God is not fatalism. Whatever happens “…may the name of the Lord be praised” because He is still worthy! Job 1:21. Trust the God we do know for everything we don’t understand. Job was able to look beyond this life to the next. “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him…”, 13:15 K.J.V. Suffering is only for this life after all. “I know that my Redeemer lives…”, 19:25-27 N.I.V. “…He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold”, 23:10 N.I.V. Suffering can be faced without losing your own convictions. We can engage in honest but respectful conversation – even argument – with God, Job 13:20-22; 23:3-5; 40:3-5. Remember though, God is always right! 8. Suffering is misunderstood by sincere people Job 42:7-9 The end of the book tells us God was not impressed with Job’s ‘comforters’! Their theology could be neat and tidy, with no loose ends, and no exceptions, because the comforters were not the ones suffering! If I may summarise nine chapters in two short phrases: 'Suffering is a retribution for sin', said Eliphaz, 4:7-9, 17; and Bildad, 8:3-4.'You cannot be righteous before God – you show pride now by even suggesting it'! said Zophar, 11:4-5. All three looked for Job to repent and be restored. Job alone wondered if there was a deeper reason for his suffering. Job’s growing anger with his friends and his situation comes through in his answers to their repeated arguments. He may have been pleased that Elihu at least tried to answer some of his questions! Job 32-37. Repentance is not always the answer. Different possibilities must be explored. Christians need to learn the grace of receiving both good and bad happenings from the Lord’s gentle but firm hand, Job 1:20-21;42:1-6. 9. Suffering shows the greatness and graciousness of God Job 38-41 The book of Job “does not set out to answer the problem of suffering but to proclaim a God so great that no answer is needed, for it would transcend the finite mind if given”. God does what He does always for His own sake, Isaiah 46:9-10; 48:10-11. Job worshipped God because God was God. God was worthy of worship no matter what. God had saved him from sinful self-centredness and helped him to a God-centred attitude. God commended Job for this, Job 1:20-22; 2:3; 2:10; 42:7. No answer is given to ‘why?’ innocent suffer, or ‘how long?’ it takes God to intervene. Instead focus is placed on God’s own character. God’s speeches focus on Himself and His actions. Job’s questions are not specifically answered, but it does not seem to matter now. Job is refocused on God Himself. God’s power is incontrovertible. God’s wisdom is inexplicable. God has chosen to allow a degree of freedom such as introduces the possibility of evil. God is not always ‘comfortable’. The world is more complex than our neat and tidy orthodoxy allows. Keep in mind human ignorance before the incomprehensible goodness of God, Job 40:2-3. 10. Suffering is an opportunity for God to speak Job 38-41 Job wanted God to speak but he did not really seem to expect it, 31:35. Out of the storm God spoke an enthralling view of Himself. He spoke when He thought it appropriate – in His own time. By speaking of the created order and how He had brought it about, God seems to imply: ‘Job, I am still in control and I know what I am doing. That, my servant Job, is all you need to know. You know nothing about running this world compared to Me. Keep your confidence in Me. I will never let you down’. True worshippers have hearts tenaciously focused upon God. 11. Suffering develops our perseverance James 5:10,11 God is full of compassion and mercy. While suffering certainly stretched Job’s faith to its limits, in spite of everything he held on to God. Job did not always feel God’s presence. He positively trusted Him for it. He knew he did not need his body to see and enjoy his God, Job 19:25-27. Sometimes the hedge God provides around us can seem like a prison to us! 1:9,10; 3:23. Job’s ‘fear of God’ was the source of his developing wisdom, 1:1; 1:8-9; 2:3. Unmerited pain, while not understood, can be accepted from God’s hand. To control our own thoughts and feelings properly we must give full regard to Who God actually is. Job knew that gold in his heart and his conscience was worth much more than gold in his pocket! 23:10. 12. Suffering points us to the cross of Jesus God became the only truly innocent Man ever. As Jesus He once suffered the penalty of sin for the entire world He Himself created. The image of the invisible God is seen on Calvary’s cross, Isaiah 53:10; Colossians 1:15. He demonstrated unbelievable love for us by dying in our place, Romans 5:8. “And the God of all grace, Who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen”. 1 Peter 5:10,11. Discussion guide Using this chapter and Scriptures quoted: 1. “I discovered that the book of Job is mainly about God”. Why is this focus important? When we suffer, where do we often put our focus and attention? 2. “A good question to ask is: ‘What is going on in heaven to make this happen?’” Why is this a good question? Consider Job 1:6-8; 2:1-3 2 Kings 6:15-18 Ephesians 1:3; Ephesians 1:18-22; Ephesians 6:12 3. Many people, including some of Job’s comforters, believe wrongly that suffering comes to someone always as a result of their disobedience to God. Job 1:22; Job 4:7-8. Explain how Jesus’ words in John 9:1-3 challenge this wrong view. Describe Job’s difficulties in the light of Jesus’ words here. (Apply to yourself as well!) 4. “Jesus lived and died for much more than His own physical wellbeing”. How do you think Jesus was able to do this? Does this give any practical guidance for sufferers today? Think about Hebrews 3:1-2; Hebrews 12:1-4. 5. Explain how Job 2:10 helps you understand that suffering comes from the hand of God. Also consider Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:7-10 James 1:2-5; James 1:12 1 Peter 1:6-9; 1 Peter 4:12-13 6. What stops you from coming to the same view as Job in 23:10? “…He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold”.

The Master's Instructions about the Christian life. (Ephesians 4:1-16). Just as God has ordained that a human baby should have protection, love and care from parents and friends within a home, so He has also planned for the born-again Christian to have an immediate family in the local church. We tend to think of ‘church’ as a building, but the New Testament church was not a building to which people came, but rather a community into which people were born. The building God had in mind was the building up of people! (see 1 Thessalonians 5:11). In Ephesians 4:1-16 we read that every Christian has an individual and a collective responsibility to encourage others to ‘live a life worthy of the calling received’. Verse 1. All true Christians are born into the church community by the Holy Spirit. They must endeavour ‘to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace’. Verse 3. In any local group of Christians there should be those who serve as leaders (v.11). However all of God’s people should work in God’s service (v.12). You and I should build up and strengthen the Christian testimony of the church community within the larger community of our village, town or city. When a person is born again he or she is a baby Christian. Babies are expected to grow! Your aim should be spiritual maturity (v.13). This spiritual maturity comes from: 1. Serving (vv.11-12). As you discover what God wants you to do in the church and then you do it. 2. Stability (vv.13-14). As you learn about God, look at your own life and listen to what others say in order to live collectively in God’s will. 3. Supporting (vv.15-16). As you grow into Christ, as you grow in love and as you grow in strength gained directly from Christ and from one another. You were not able to choose the members of your human family. Neither can you choose the members of your Christian family! God has given those around you to you and He has given you to those around you. He plans your mutual benefit and encouragement. He may plan to give you counsel from a wise old head. He may also plan to teach you grace, tolerance and self-control through learning to live with those who are hard to get along with. He may also be teaching someone else the same thing through you! God does plan to use you to help others and, remember, you only have to be one step ahead in order to lead. In the later verses of Ephesians 4 we are warned against giving the devil a foothold. He will divide us if he can. Verses 25-27 warn us to be truthful, tactful and timely in our dealings with other people. Verse 30 warns us that we can ‘grieve the Holy Spirit’ if we do not bridle our tongues, banish unwholesome talk, and build up one another according to needs that are seen. You should be able to say: ‘Thank you Lord for everyone else in my church.’ If you cannot say this there may be an area of spiritual immaturity in your life that needs to be dealt with. As well as learning from the Bible individually, the church community should learn together. The following references from the book of Acts show that the New Testament church valued such community study. Acts 2:41-42 speaks of the activity of new believers who ‘devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching’. The priority the apostles gave to their own ‘ministry of the word of God’ is highlighted in 6:2-3; and 11:22-26; It shows the outworking of these two ideals. When God’s people seek to understand God’s pattern for their lives, as revealed in God’s word, then the outside world can see that the church is a specifically Christian community. Discussion guide on ‘Learning in Fellowship’ Read Ephesians 4:1-16. 1. Explain church, not as a building to which people come, but “a community into which people are born”. What do you understand by this? 2. List the ways a Christian can live a life “worthy of the Christian calling”, Ephesians 4:1. Use only the reading passage to find your answers. (I found 10 ways). 3. God gives unity to Christians. How must we try to keep this unity? What qualities must control our lives? 4. What kind of people, and what practical activities, help us toward the Christian’s goal of spiritual maturity? Verse 13. 5. Is it difficult to say, “Thank you, Lord, for everyone else in my local church”? Why? Why not? How can you change your attitude? 6. From the references given in Acts in the last paragraph of the lesson, explain the role and the value of the Bible and Christian teaching in learning together. How important is it? 7. What kinds of things could “grieve the Holy Spirit” in a local fellowship? Ephesians 4:30. Find the answers in the reading. How should these things be dealt with?

(Written 18th April 2013). Please read the Bible reading: Luke 24:13-­‐35. I want us to look at the phrase in verse 21, “but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel”. In particular those four words, “but we had hoped”. These two men had been looking for the earthly triumph of Jesus, as he became king in Jerusalem, fulfilling the sure words of Zechariah 8 and other prophets. They had been watching him fulfilling prophecy – just one week before he had made his acclaimed royal entry into the city on the foal of a donkey as predicted in Zechariah 9. It was all coming together! How exciting! These ancient prophecies were being fulfilled before their very eyes! But now Jesus had been crucified. He had not even come down from the cross at the last moment…! He had been buried. And that was three days ago… It was all over… How COULD God have possibly allowed that to happen? It did NOT make sense at all! Their hearts cried out, “Where are you, God? I thought that you were faithful to keep your promises! But it does not look like we can trust you after all”. I wonder if you have had emotions like that arise in your hearts? I have. And not just once. But over and over. And still sometimes now. Every version of the Bible I have uses these same words in Luke 24:21. “We had hoped”. It is not often there is identical translation like this. One Greek text carries the explanatory word “trusted”. “We had hoped (trusted)”, emphasising the strong sense of personal commitment to the cause of Jesus Christ made by these two disciples. Yet now their whole body language was “downcast”, verse 17, dejected, sad and downhearted. Hope is “a feeling of desire for something and confidence in the possibility of its fulfilment”. For these two men, and many other disciples living in Jerusalem at that time, their hopes inspired by the word of God himself were dashed, destroyed, frustrated, impossible. Jesus was dead. What more was there to say? It was all over. Let me share with you a personal example. Although I was living in Britain, I had been visiting Sudan since 1979 with programmes for three weeks or so every year. Along with a team of nationals we served God by holding training conferences and series’ of evangelistic meetings in a variety of towns and cities. Twenty years later In 1999 I became a resident in Sudan as a pastor to Khartoum International Church. Not long after my arrival I devised a ten-­‐year plan for preaching and teaching through the whole of the Bible at our Sunday morning Bible Class and evening service. By recording them and printing them into booklets I thought a large number of people, Christians and Moslems, Sudanese from every tribe and background, could be helped, whether by reading them themselves or by listening to them being read. But, after eighteen months I began to experience physical blackouts for no obvious reason. After a while I was medically evacuated, unconscious, back to England. A few months and lots of hospital tests later, Brenda and I resumed ministry in Khartoum only to have the same things happening over again. After just four years our great vision was over! What “I had hoped for” was gone. All sorts of things went through my mind. You may be able to identify with some of it. · Did I (and others) get God’s guidance wrong? I sincerely didn’t think so. · Had the devil got the upper hand? My theology didn’t let me believe that. · Was I sinful and lacking in faith when, believing for my recovery, many made prayers? Self-­‐examination brought little to light and certainly nothing to cause all this. On returning “home” I had more questions: · What did others around truly think of me? I knew what people said to my face, but what did they say to one another? · What did my (did our) future hold? · Would we still be supported financially, and if sohow? On good days I knew Sovereign Lord was in control. But I did have plenty of bad days too when doubts weighed me down. · “We had hoped”. I felt like a blossoming tree, soon to bear much fruit, which had been savagely felled and left to rot. All the fruit that would have been produced for God’s glory would never develop – never benefit anyone. Yet, in God’s hands, some sprouts soon appeared from the stump. Let me explain. After a while we started working on writing and publishing for (and with) Sudanese believers. But it felt like an apology compared with the real work on the ground in Sudan. But with our limitations, perhaps that was the best we could do. Then I recorded my lectures, given at Gideon Theological College, on to DVDs, with Sudanese background pictures and illustrations. This was finished in May 2005. . These were seen by scores/hundreds of people across Sudan. I mostly wrote the book “Christian Theology in a Sudanese Context”. We had this published in Khartoum in Arabic as well as English, with the help of the Bible Society “My” ministry was now spreading wider than just at one church in Khartoum. We were helping others work in Sudan too. Things were rebuilding for us! It was getting exciting to see what God was doing, even with our limitations! But then In November 2006 God took back the voice box He had lent me for 57 years. I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer in the voice box. This meant either its removal, or death within two months. I chose to live, but without a voice. How could I still be a preacher without a voice? If I lost my legs, or my sight I could still preach – but my voice? I felt as if that sprouting stump of my life was hacked away again, leaving it almost level with the ground Two years later, in April 2009, came further cancer in the neck, with another surgery, this time followed by a stressful course of radiotherapy. Something that went wrong then has left me in a lot of pain a good deal of the time, and on very heavy drugs for its relief. I seemed to have no ministry left at all? I felt that even the little I had was chopped away, leaving the stump below ground level. The questions I had for God flooded back and I really did have questions: · Why me, God? Why now? Why this? · Haven’t you got it wrong, God? Surely we followed your will for us in our projects, etc.? · In the Bible there are stories (examples) of successes and of healings. God, I believe you are able. But, you don’t seem willing! God that seems unfair! · What will happen to my ministry without me? Are others able? And willing? And strong enough? · God. What are you doing? It seems you have forsaken me! But even with the stump cut so close to the ground, God has yet again brought forth some new shoots. It is His doing and He must receive the praise. Between 2009 and the present, April 2013, I have mostly moved in bottom gear, or just plain stopped. Sometimes I have been in bed for days on end, unable to do anything useful. Sometimes my pain has been so severe that I could hardly think, or the painkillers that took away the pain left me unable to think. Yet despite all this, God has enabled me to write an Encouragement letter six times per year and send it to 70 leaders, personal friends of mine, in Sudan and South Sudan. He has enabled us to maintain a website for Sudanese Christians. I am writing a monthly Crossthought article for our website aimed at teaching and building up Sudanese believers. We were up to 4400 pages being downloaded per month in May 2012, and it settled near that figure every month. Recently it has dropped to 800, possibly because of the restrictions the Sudanese government have put on the electronic media. But still 800! Did I ever preach to or teach 800 people while I was there? And this number is starting to rise again. Also we lead a Home Group from our church, with 13-­‐20 elderly folk coming to us every fortnight. And I write articles 5/6 times per year for an American Christian magazine called Grace & Truth. We have had a recent consultation with an Episcopal Church of Sudan Bishop, and we shortly have another with an Africa Inland Church Bishop, regarding writing topics, methods of distribution, to encourage Sudanese nationals who can to write, to help their fellow Christians and churches grow in their Christian walk and reach out to the lost around them. Through email I have discussed this too with the Sudan Interior Church and the Sudanese Churches of Christ. Was this MY vision fourteen years ago! No, it was not. Was this God’s vision fourteen years ago! YES, I now believe it was! Cleopas and his friend said, “We had hoped”. Time after time, deep in my heart, came those same words, “We had hoped” Our feelings of disillusionment have been changing! But it has taken a few years. My brain knows the theology of all this. My Sovereign Lord is always, and in everything, working out His purposes. It is His glory. It is His way. It is sometimes mysterious, but it is always right. Sovereign God even uses the devil to accomplish His purpose. On the Emmaus road, the two men were shattered by the crucifixion of our Lord Jesus Christ. They could not see what God was doing. Only when Jesus, the unknown stranger, opened the Scripture to them, and they were ready to invite Jesus into their lives, their home, their meal table, were their spiritual eyes opened. It was God who brought about the resurrection of Jesus Christ, after the necessary time in the grave had elapsed. My mind knows all this, on a good day. Yes, God can and will bring about far greater good than we can imagine. But my feelings, however, are often so different from my mind. Ten years on from leaving Khartoum, seven years on from losing my voice box, my feelings are sometimes still as raw as if these were yesterday. Grieving over loss is a God-­‐given process and tears are often a safety valve. Remember Joseph and his brothers in the Genesis account. · What if? · Did I make mistakes? · Could I have changed things? · What do friends and family think? Let me take you to an earlier phrase, in Luke 24:15. “As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them”. In our troubled feelings, honest questions, sincere doubts, in our tears, our pain, our hurt emotions, our aching hearts, let us remember this. Jesus is walking with us. He was “expelled” from our ministries with us. He was rejected with us. He is now at “home” with us (a new home for some expelled from Khartoum, yet not unexpected by God). I also notice in Luke 24:31, when the two men’s eyes were eventually spiritually opened they only had one brief glimpse of Jesus. After that glimpse, they could not physically see Jesus any more. This is something of a dichotomy. God had kept them from seeing, verse 16. Now God opened their eyes, verse 31. Apart from those few seconds, they would have loved to look at him for a few hours, at least! But they had just that one brief glimpse. Maybe that is all we will get. Now look at the results of Jesus’ death. Which outcome was better? The disciples’ expectation of a physical kingdom on earth, with Jesus as king, or God’s plan for the risen Christ, building his eternal church from every tongue and tribe, people and nation? Which was better? The disciples’ plan or God’s plan? We must let God be God. It may not seem like it, but He is still in charge, and he has the better plan! In all our inner doubts and turmoil we all know that the most important thing any of us can do is seek to enjoy Jesus in our walk together with Him. Let us hear his voice, as he said to Peter washing his feet in the Upper Room, “You do not understand now what I am doing, but later you will understand”, John 13:7. He walks with us through our confusing valley of darkness. His unfailing arms are around us, holding us close to him, because we are so very precious to Him. Even in our tears, we still do need to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, Matthew 22:37; Deuteronomy 6:4-­‐5. Pray with Him. Read with Him. Listen to Him. Wait on Him. Delight yourself in Him. Those unfulfilled visions that “we had hoped” will be brought into the right perspective, when we see them along with our Master, Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, the one seated in the place of authority at the right hand of the Father in heaven. For Brenda and me, we had our great vision, but God has been bringing about an even greater one! All praise to Him. Jesus asks us to trust Him, always and in all things, that He knows what He is doing. I’m not saying this is easy. I know from experience that it is not! Trusting Him through this is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes it means saying, “Lord I believe a little bit. But, please, help my unbelief.”

Christian theology in a Sudanese context. God the Holy Spirit and our Christian experience. Peter’s sermon on the Day of Pentecost explicitly links the Joel 2 prophecy with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on that day (Acts 2:16). Although there was an immediate application to Joel’s own time, there was an ultimate application as well. In the life of Jesus Christ, the work of God would reach a crucial focal point. A Body of God’s people, not from one single nation but from every tribe under heaven, would be born. The life of that Body – the Church – would be the Holy Spirit. He would birth people into it (John 3:3-8). He would bring them towards the likeness of Jesus through the mind and will of God (Romans 8:26-30). “The extraordinary phenomenon of Spirit-filled believers declaring God’s wonders in foreign languages is the fulfilment of Joel’s prediction that God would pour out His Spirit on all flesh”. ‘The last days’ of Acts 2:17 have begun at Pentecost. The ‘afterward’ of Joel 2:28 has arrived. In between the first and second comings of Jesus Christ is the age of the overflowing ministry of the Holy Spirit. God gives generously, irreversibly, and universally. Like a deluge of heavy rain, the Holy Spirit cannot be gathered back again, and He affects everyone. I have walked by the irrigation ditches on Tutti Island in the Blue Nile. As rain, channelled in the right way, can produce good crops, so the Holy Spirit will produce fruit to make Christians attractive (Galatians 5:22), gifts to make Christians useful (1 Corinthians 12:4-7); and He gives the unity which bonds Christians together (Ephesians 4:3-7). It is also sadly true, that just as rain can be wasted, lost or left to become stagnant water breeding mosquitoes and disease, so Christians' wrong response to the Holy Spirit can grieve Him (Ephesians 4:30). The surrounding verses warn against bad talking and lack of self-control. Christians can also ‘put out the Spirit’s fire’ (1 Thessalonians 5:19). This change of picture from water to fire, does not hide the fact that how Christians live in relation to one another, and in relation to God, directly affects the flow of the Holy Spirit into and through our lives. Once again, check the surrounding verses to discover the meaning of the text. The last prophet immediately before Jesus came was John the Baptist. His life was completely occupied by the Holy Spirit from birth. He prophesied that Jesus would ‘baptise with the Holy Spirit and with fire’ (Luke 1:15; Luke 3:16). The word to ‘baptise’ means to ‘bury people out of sight’. The record of John’s life that we have in the Gospels, is an example of a person filled and overflowing with the Holy Spirit. He leapt in praise of Jesus (Luke 1:31). He preached repentance for the forgiveness of sins (Luke 3:3). He fulfilled Scripture (Luke 3:4-6). John pointed away from himself and pointed towardsJesus Christ (John 1:29-30; 1:35-36). He clearly gave witness that Jesus was the Son of God (John 1:34). John was arrested for his bold confrontation with sin in the lives of men (Luke 3:19,20). From prison he asked Jesus Himself to resolve His apparent doubts (Matthew 11:2,3). John died for his ministry (Matthew 14:10). But, think about this: Jesus said the people of His new Kingdom were all more remarkable and impressive than John! (Matthew 11:11-15). Why is this so? How can this be? The answer is amazing. The Christian church has, not just one or two ‘John the Baptists’, but hundreds of thousands of them! God the Holy Spirit floods into and over people to make them Christians. Having been born by, with or in the Spirit into the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:13), the emptier our lives are of sin, the more we can be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:17-18). The Old Testament age where the Holy Spirit only moved on a few people for specific tasks God called them to do, is now replaced. The age between the New Testament and the second coming of Christ, in which all born-again Christians know the baptism of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:13) – and may experience the continuous filling of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), has arrived. The first disciples knew the baptism with the Holy Spirit when he came on them to fill them at Pentecost (Acts 1:5; 1:8; Acts 2:4). This outpouring of the Holy Spirit was a gift from God for more than just themselves (Acts 2:17; 2:38-39). In the next chapters of Acts history, these same disciples and others, were filled over and over again with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gave them the ability to speak (Acts4:8); He gave them boldness(4:31); He gave discernment (Acts 5:3; 5:9); He gave an evident godliness (Acts 6:5); He gave apologetic authority (6:10); He gave an inspirational vision (Acts 7:55), He gave confirmation of acceptance with God (Acts 8:17); He gave a prompting toward service (8:29); He gave the supernatural ability to travel (8:39); He gave equipment for service (Acts 9:17); He gave encouragement (9:31); He gave understanding of spiritual principles (Acts 10:19); and He gave them confirmation regarding a new development (Acts 10:44-48). In Acts 11:1-18 there is an interesting parallel account of the Cornelius events (Acts 10) and the Day of Pentecost (Acts 2). Just try listing, on a piece of paper, the four different ways Peter describes the experiences of the Holy Spirit at Jerusalem’s Pentecost, and at Cornelius’ home in Caesarea. Then compare them with Luke’s descriptions of the same events from Acts. Continuing reading Acts with the theme of the Holy Spirit filling the believers again and again, we read how the Holy Spirit gave evident leadership ability (Acts 11:24); He gave a future prediction of famine (Acts 11:28); He gave a specific call to the local church (Acts 13:2-4); He gave brave discernment (Acts 13:9); He gave joyful satisfaction (Acts13:52); He gave resolution of conflict, and good communication (Acts 15:28); He gave guidance over where to move and where not to move (Acts 16:6-9); He gave correction over mistaken belief (Acts 19:1-7); He gave an overwhelming desire to keep going (Acts 20:22); He gave warning of coming difficulties (Acts 20:23); He gave the appointments to church leadership (Acts 20:28); He gave tests over doing God’s will (Acts 21:4); He gave predictions of future imprisonment (Acts 21:11); He gave a conviction of the authority of Scripture (Acts 28:25). It should be evident from all of those happenings that it is impossible to be a Christian church without the Holy Spirit being involved at the heart of things. It is noteworthy that some things are not attributed to the Holy Spirit – including specific preaching (for example Acts 17 in Thessalonica, Berea and Athens); raising the dead man (Acts20:7-12); testifying before government officials (Acts chapters 24-26). I do not believe this means the Holy Spirit was not involved! Nor do I believe that all the times the Holy Spirit is mentioned, Jesus is not involved. There is no division in the Godhead. All the three Persons in the Holy Trinity are One God. I read Acts understanding that the Holy Spirit is mediating the life of Jesus Christ into the church and all of the events in which they are involved. This is true whether it is specifically mentioned or not. A mediator brings together. The Holy Spirit brings God into the church. He makes Jesus obvious and foremost. This could be summarised by saying the Holy Spirit has four main functions in the life of a believer, and of believers together in the church: 1. The Holy Spirit is the teacher. John 14:26 (Greek – didaskalos). 2. The Holy Spirit is the witness. John 15:26 (Greek – martus). 3. The Holy Spirit is the guide. John 16:13 (Greek – hodegeo). 4. The Holy Spirit brings the ability. Acts 1:8 (Greek – dunamis). All four of these promises are sayings of Jesus Himself. And all four can be seen to have become true, reading through the book of Acts. The distinguishing mark and the driving force of the New Testament church was the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, the Spirit of God. There is a notable similarity between Acts 9:31; Acts 13:52 and Romans 15:13. Paul’s prayer in the latter reference is that the dramatic movement of God among the early disciples will continue, even affecting those whom he has never met at Rome, who live at the heart of the dominant world power. It is of great encouragement to Christians today to realise that God’s Kingdom is not to be related to any plot of ground on this earth. It is a Kingdom of people who chose voluntarily to live under the daily influence of King Jesus! When He is present among His people, it really shows! Churches do not need any land of their own in order to exist. A church is the people who gather, it is not the place where they meet. (See chapter 48). The New Testament witness to the Holy Spirit of Pentecost is Christ-centred (Matthew 28:18-20; 1 John 3:23-24). He draws people to know Jesus Christ. He explains and applies the teachings of Jesus. He makes people more and more like Jesus. He calls and equips people to serve Jesus. The Holy Spirit is a gift of the Father to come permanently alongside us, like Jesus was alongside His disciples whileHe lived on earth. We must learn to be at home with the Holy Spirit and we must live to ensure He is at home in our lives. The Holy Spirit may be said to be “the unseen Presence of God” in the world or in the church. But although Himself unseen, His presence should be visible, tangible in the type of people we are and in the things that we do and don’t do. Thinking it through. (a). What different thoughts can you list that water, in some way, illustrates the activity of the Holy Spirit today? (b). How many different ways is the same ‘Pentecost’ experience referred to in Acts? (Acts 1:4-5; Acts 2:1-4; Acts 2:16-21; Acts 2:33; Acts 10:44-48; and Acts 11:1-18). (c) What lesson should we learn from the several experiences that Peter had with the Holy Spirit? (John 20:21-23; Acts 1:1-4; Acts 4:8; Acts 4:31; Acts 5:3; Acts 9:31). (d). How does ‘the Holy Spirit mediate the life of Jesus into the church’?

Issues facing Christians in Sudan and South Sudan today....Suffering section. Sometimes when we pray it feels like we knock on the gate to God’s compound but we get no reply from inside. We call out over the mud wall, but there is only silence from the other side. Our prayers seem—that is, they appear to the mind or the eye to be—unanswered. The impression we get is that there is no response from God. I had been ill for several years since leaving Sudan in 2003. In 2006 aggressive cancer was discovered in my throat. I had been praying to get well. Many Christian friends had been praying with me and fasting for me. I had been anointed with oil and prayed over by church leaders. Suddenly my situation was a lot worse! I thought: “Doesn’t the Bible promise healing for God’s servants? Why is God breaking His promise to make me better?” I desperately wanted to be back where God had called me, pastoring Khartoum International Church. I wanted to obey God and to serve Him wholeheartedly. On the surface of things, prayer was bouncing back off the sky like a child’s kicked football rebounds from a wall. Prayer was not getting through to God—or, worse still, God was not listening to prayer. Or, dare I even think it, God was unable to do what I wanted to happen! At the end of 2006 my voice-box was surgically removed. Since then I have only been able to speak a little, and quietly, using an artificial valve inserted in my throat. A terrifying happening for a man who was used to preaching or teaching at least 200 times per year. Now, twenty-four months on, I am still puzzled by what God has done (or, perhaps, what He has not done) in my life. On a similar theme I remember as if it was yesterday (although it was 2001) a student from my Theology class at Banat, Omdurman. He read from his Bible Psalm 37:25: “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread”. Joseph looked me in the eye and said: “King David may not have seen this, but I have! My children, and others in my church congregation, do not have enough to eat”. Like many others at that time of hardship in Sudan, Joseph was trying to live for Jesus and God’s Kingdom, yet the necessities of life were not being provided for him or his family. Does this mean Jesus’ own words are not true? Please read Matthew 6:31-34. Over 38 years of Christian ministry I have learned that when experience disagrees with good theology (the study of God and His relationship with man and His world), good theology is always right! When you feel the opposite of what you know to be true, keep on trusting God. God’s purpose will always be achieved, even if it takes a long time. Please read Isaiah 46:9-10 and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. Do you remember the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Adebnego? Daniel chapters 1-3. They feared God much more than the hot fire of King Nebuchadnezzar. They refused to bow and worship the king’s golden image. They knew God would do what was right in His sight, whether He chose to save them from the fire or allow them to die and go into heaven from the flames. What they believed about God kept them true, even in extreme life and death circumstances. Please read Daniel 1:3-20; 2:17-23; 3:12-18. Think about the following statement and questions before doing the next Bible study: “I do not believe in the power of prayer. I do believe in the person of God, in the presence of God and in the power of God. Therefore, I pray to God”. Are your prayers self-centred or God-centred? Are you trying to win God over to do your will? Are you willing for God to work a work within you, or are you merely asking God to do something for you? Is your prayer two-way or one-way communication with God? God’s answers are always wiser than our prayers. Jesus’ own prayer life is described in Hebrews 5:7-10. Focused reading through any gospel will show Jesus’ habits of prayer, and will illustrate Hebrews 5:7-10. For example in Luke: 3:21 a time of new beginnings 5:16 alone with the Father 6:12 before choosing His team 9:16 before sharing food 9:18 privately 9:28-9 with a few close friends 10:21-22 praise after success 11:1 an example to follow 18:1 an encouragement to continue 19:45-46 examine your motives! 22:17,19 before going to the cross 22:31-32 for a tested brother 22:39-46 willingly, but for God’s will 23:34 forgiveness for others 23:46 confident trust through death It is no accident that the glory of Who Jesus really was, was revealed to others when He was praying! Luke 9:29. To pray means to ask earnestly for, to address adoration, thanksgiving and requests to God. The most common New Testament word for praying has a legal background to it. It pictures a lawyer before a judge. It is like going to the Ministry of Justice and arguing for a particular course of action to be taken. The lawyer argues on the basis of what has already been said and done by the people involved. Similarly, we pray. In praying: We bring the situation to God when we speak. We bring God into the situation when we listen and when we think. The tearful shouts of Jesus were heard—not because of their volume, but because Jesus obediently submitted His own will to the will of the Father, Hebrews 5:7-8. Jesus’ experiences in Gethsemane and on the cross of Calvary challenge us to learn obedience as we pray. Three prayers of Jesus stand out: 1. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done”, Luke 22:42. Please read the three accounts in Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, and Luke 22:39-46. In this Gethsemane prayer time Jesus felt deep sadness and mental pain. He was extremely disturbed over His immediate future. Although He felt these emotions, He did not sin. His suffering severely tested the humanity of God the Son, but He remained holy, set apart to God’s way. After His crucifixion and resurrection, Jesus the God-man (the human face of God), would become High Priest (the human face before God). He would prayerfully mediate between God and humanity. He represented both parties. He WAS both parties! 1 Timothy 2:5-6. Hebrews 2:17-18 Hebrews 4:14-16 Hebrews 7:26-28 Jesus did not get to where His Father wanted Him to be without a struggle. He had to give Himself up. And so will we. In this prayer Jesus went through an immense and challenging battle with Himself. He wanted Father to say, “Yes”, but He was willing for Father to say, “No”. He knew that if Father God said, “No”, then “No” was the best answer. We must come to this point. We must remember that God always answers prayer, even when the answer is not what we want it to be. Father God has always carefully thought out His response. Paul learned this. Three times he begged God to remove the painful irritation and annoyance from his life. But God had a bigger and a better idea, so He left it there! God also gave Paul abundant grace and power to live with the weakness. I have 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 and 1 Corinthians 2:9 especially marked in my Bible, and dated 16th November 2006. That is the date I entered hospital to surrender my voice-box back to God, Who originally gave it to me, and Whose property it is. Nothing in this world is intended to mean more to me than God and His will. God could have chosen to cure me of cancer. He did not—at least, not in the way I really wanted Him to! The Bible has many examples of God delivering His people in surprising ways. God is the God of the unexpected. When Gentile king Cyrus was God’s chosen deliverer of Israel, Isaiah the prophet was so puzzled he exclaimed: “Truly you are a God Who hides Himself, O God and Saviour of Israel”, Isaiah 45:15. It was as if Satan said to God: “You take K.I.C. from Pastor Colin, and he will curse you to your face”. With God’s grace my answer has always been:, “No I will not”. Job 1:9-11;2:4-6. In Gethsemane’s prayer we note things that helped Jesus: Jesus had a close relationship with God, “My Father” (twice), Matthew 26:39, 42. Jesus intimately believed without any doubt, “everything is possible for You, Abba”, Mark 14:36. Jesus’ theology never faltered. He knew God could have eased things, but He also knew God would not. Jesus willingly embraced God’s will, Luke 22:42. The cup (meaning this “experience in life”) could only be taken away by being fully drunk. So Jesus drank it. When you drink any drink, you are committed to it. When you swallow, liquid is inside you—even if it is something that will eventually take your life. Praying Requires Abandoning Yourself. Prayer in this way is an opportunity for our wills to align with God’s will. Listening in prayer I can line up with God. Prayer is the place that allows me to understand (or, at least, to accept) God’s way. In the prayer of faith, I believe in advance what may only make sense when I look back after a long time—even from heavenly eternity. 2. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34. In this Calvary prayer Jesus asks the question, “Why?” How often I ask it! My student friend Joseph was asking it from the class I mentioned earlier. Of course, Psalm 37:25 is not a promise to claim. It is the actual experience of an older king David. Joseph’s experience was not wrong—but it was definitely different. Painfully different! But in asking God “Why?” we must not get hot with worry or anger. To his credit, Joseph never did. Fretting does not show faith, Psalm 37:1. It is better if we can quietly enjoy God’s company through the challenging times, verse 3 “Trust in God”, verse 4 “Delight in God”, verse 5 “Commit to God”, verse 7 “Be patiently still before God”. Jesus’ presence lightens the burden, Matthew 11:28-30. It may not take the burden away, but it will make you stronger. Sin was the barrier that came between Jesus and the Father on the cross. It was human sinfulness that brought all suffering into God’s good world, Genesis 1:31; 3:17-19. Let your hardships teach you the awful consequences of sin. Then, turn your attention towards your ultimate destination: heaven. That’s what Jesus did on the cross (see the next prayer). Heaven will change your perspective, just like sitting on a high hilltop makes everything in the town below appear much smaller. Some other Biblical reasons for “unanswered” prayer 2 Chronicles 7:13-16 pride instead of humility before God Psalm 66:18 sin without repentance allowed in personal life Proverbs 21:13 ignoring the desperate needs of others around you Isaiah 64:4 impatience—not waiting for God (to wait is to exercise patient, confident, expectant faith) Zechariah 7:13 not listening to God when He speaks Matthew 6:5 praying for human reward Matthew 6:7 speaking long, and meaningless praying Matthew 21:21-22 doubting God Mark 11:24-25 holding an unforgiving spirit towards anyone Romans 8:26 using words when we do not know what to pray for James 1:6-8 double-minded praying (a single-minded Christian always wants God’s way) James 4:2-3 praying with selfish motives 1 John 5:14-15 praying outside God’s will (we are sinful people praying—we are sometimes wrong!). 3. According to Luke 23:46 Jesus’ final prayer was, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”. In this prayer from Calvary it was as if Jesus was saying to God the Father, “I have asked you, Why? - but I will trust you anyway”. Jesus’ greatest wish was to glorify God, living in the centre of God’s will, paying whatever the cost. We surely pray: “God, please stop the war!” “God, bring peace, reconciliation and prosperity to our people”. Whatever happens after we pray that, we must believe that at the heart of the universe, God is working His purposes out. The timing is always in God’s hands, not in ours. Delays and denials from God are opportunities for Him to develop and deepen a trusting heart within us. Please read Galatians 6:9; Luke 11:5-13; 18:1-8. All our suffering is intended to drive us to God. Never give in to self-pity! Do not waste what God gives you—experiences He intends for your Christian growth. Wait on God! Life’s injustices must be seen in the context of our eternal riches in Christ Jesus. The former are temporary, the latter go on for ever. As you plead with God for Him to act in a particular way, leave room for Him to say, “No”, and “Not yet”. God lost (temporarily) His one and only Son. But God saved the world through that chosen course of action. Read 1 Peter 2:21. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him Who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart”. Hebrews 12:2-3 (emphasis mine). There are questions for which there are no answers this side of heaven. In heaven, the Judge of all the earth will be seen to have always been right! Please read Romans 8:16-17. Discussion guide Using this chapter and Scriptures quoted: 1. Share personal experiences of when your prayers were apparently not answered, or were certainly not answered in the way you wanted or expected. 2. Why is good theology always right even when it seems to go against what is happening? Consider Romans 8:28 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 How do Daniel’s three friends show their faith in God, Daniel 3:16-18? 3. What is the difference between “self-centred prayer” and “God-centred prayer”? How does the description of why Jesus’ prayers were heard help us to understand this? Hebrews 5:7, “He was heard because of His reverent submission”. 4. Describe in your own words the inner battle Jesus expressed in Matthew 26:39, and the similar inner battle Paul faced up to in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. What lessons do you learn for yourself and your own praying from these examples? 5. “We must remember that God always answers prayer, even when the answer is not what we want it to be”. Is this true or false? Why? 6. Why is it so important that we listen to God in prayer, and not just talk to Him? 7. Of the other Biblical reasons for unanswered pray (listed above), which do you think are the most common today? Why do you think this is? What should be done about it?

The Master's instructions about the Christian life. (Matthew 6:5-15). One of the main keys to developing a good relationship with God is obviously to stay in communication with Him. Christian communication is two-way, God speaks to us through His word and His Spirit, and we speak to Him in our prayers. Prayer is talking with God, and the person who seeks to walk with God must learn to talk to Him frequently. Good conversation is two-way, so don't forget to listen too! In Matthew 6:5-15 our Lord Jesus tells us some of the secrets of prayer. We are to pray to please God and not to please men. We are to make specific time to pray on our own. We should come to God as children depending on our heavenly Father. We should pray with both our minds and our hearts. Verse 8 raises the question: ‘If God knows what you need, why should you pray?’ The answer is quite simple. Praying shows that our faith is in God. God delights in the secret, devotional prayer life of His people. Like a human lover, He regards the time spent alone with us as precious. This does not mean that it is wrong to pray in a public gathering. The New Testament church did a great deal of that (Acts 1:14; 2:42; 3:1; 4:24, etc). However, a church prayer meeting will never be stronger than the prayer life of the individuals who meet together. In what is known as the Lord’s prayer (Matthew 6:9-13), we are given the following guidelines for prayer. True prayer involves: 1. An acknowledgement of Who God is in worship and wonder (v.9). 2. Absolute surrender, completely and confidently, to God’s will (v.10). 3. Asking in faith for practical immediate needs – things which serve God’s purpose (v.11). 4. An admission of sin and a seeking of forgiveness in honesty and humility (v.12). 5. An appraisal of current relationships with other people. Repentance and reconciliation should mark Christians out from the world (vv. 12, 14-15). 6. Aspiration after victorious Christian living, conquering sin through consecration to the Saviour (v.13). Remember, this applies to you. You can talk to God in absolute confidence about anything. Your heavenly Father has an ongoing desire that you will share your heart with Him. It is not that He is ignorant about people, problems, pains or practical needs. He does know all about you. Nevertheless, if you are to develop a strong, living relationship with Him then you must learn to share everything with Him. As you do so, He will share all of His blessing with you. There is plenty of encouragement to pray throughout the Bible. Many of the Psalms are prayers recorded by men whose experience of God may help us in expressing our inner feelings to Him. For example Psalm 38 can be called the Psalm for the broken man. It speaks of overwhelming guilt, and burdens too heavy to bear. Psalm 40 may in turn be called the Psalm for the blessed man because it speaks of the praise of God, the plan of God and the proclamation of God’s greatness. Do not be afraid to use the Psalms as part of your prayers to God. Our Lord Jesus made prayer His early morning custom. He often withdrew from His busy life to be alone with His Father. If you can share His desire to pray, show His discipline in making time for prayer and secure the determination to pray at all times, then your relationship with God will grow deeper and deeper. The day begun with prayer is the day for which you are prepared. Other scriptures to read: Ephesians 6:18-20; Philippians 4:6; James 5:13-18. Discussion guide on ‘Learning to Pray’ Reading Matthew 6:5-15. 1. In what ways do you think prayer is similar to conversations with another human friend? In what ways could it be different? 2. From verses 5-7 list some good practices and some bad practices in prayer. Share why you think these are good or bad. 3. Verse 8 says, “Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him”. So why do we pray? 4. Explain what could be the differences between public prayer at a church gathering and private prayer on your own with God. Consider Acts 1:14; 1:24; 2:42; 3:1; 4:24; 6:6; 8:15; 8:24; 9:11; 9:40; 10:2,4,9; 10:30-31; 11:5; 12:5,12; 13:3; 14:23; 16:13,16,25; etc. 5. From the Lord’s prayer, Matthew 6:9-13, (see also Luke 11:1-4), what can we include in our prayers? Is there a proper way to start, before bringing our needs to God? Why do you think this is? 6. From James 5:13-18 can you find at least five ways we are encouraged to pray? 7. Reviewing all we have learned about prayer, what does Philippians 4:6 say is the answer to daily worry and care? Why not try and memorise this verse! Test each other and see who knows it off by heart!

Christian theology in a Sudanese context. God the Holy Spirit and our Christian experience. Many of the recent divisions between Christians concerning the Holy Spirit arise from a desire towards holy living among all Christian groups. ‘What will make me a better Christian?’ ‘What will give me more power to beat sin in my own life?’ ‘What will make my witnessing more effective?’ J.I. Packer has written an excellent chapter highlighting our need for personal holiness. He points to the pollutions of our busyness and our self-centredness. They make us look for quick answers to questions about personal needs. Packer states the need to refocus on ‘learning to be what we already are’ as Christians. ('Keep in step with the Spirit', IVP, 1984, pages 94-120). We should live the resurrection life given to us by the risen Jesus. We should try not to live that old life of ours, which was crucified with Jesus on the cross (Romans 6:6-14). The Holy Spirit helps us to focus on Jesus. He makes us very aware of our own sins. The Holy Spirit then reminds us that Jesus died to free us from these sins. He leads us to confess our personal sins. We receive forgiveness and cleansing. In this way the Holy Spirit is the Agent we need to work with for our own personal holiness. The Holy Spirit induces us towards the means of holiness: putting our own lives regularly alongside biblical truth, listening to God’s opinions of us when we pray, offering Him praise only from a pure heart. This can be at weekly worship, with disciplined self-examination before taking communion. It may also be done individually, and together with just a few others. The Holy Spirit is essential if any of these things are not to be just hollow rituals. Developing holiness is a process over time, and not normally something that happens in an instant. The danger is that any of the things that tend to be substituted for these spiritual disciplines by some Christians, can become hollow rituals in themselves. I have been with Christians who, probably misunderstanding the actual doctrine of their church, say that ‘baptism with the Holy Spirit’ is the instant means to holiness and power for Christian living. I have been with others who say ‘you need to speak with tongues’ (something I have never done, but something some of my closest Christian colleagues do regularly). My grandfather’s family, the Dymond’s, were involved in the charismatic renewal of the Methodist churches in England around A.D.1815-1907, when the ‘Bible Christian Church’ was formed. They believed in a ‘second blessing’ for holiness. The Bible College where I was trained in Australia during 1969-1970, taught that such ‘second experiences’ and ‘charismata’ (spiritual gifts), were not for today, but had ceased to be when the canon of Scripture was recognised. I never did agree with them on that, and I do not believe so today either, but I can still respect those Christian brothers and sisters who hold a different belief (on secondary matters) to me. It is easy for any words to be meaningless, if the heart of them is missing (1 Corinthians 13:1). Movements of church reform are usually characterised by people: having a changed relationship to God, having a new spirit of praise and worship, listening to God in new ways, and showing an enthusiasm in their ministry. Among the wide diversity of view in the Pentecostal Churches (since around A.D. 1904/1905), and the Charismatic movement (since around A.D. 1960), there has been a threefold emphasis that has caused some controversy and division around the world. Christians (1) are all urged to seek, (2) a baptism in the Spirit, some time after their conversion, (3) which is usually evidenced by speaking in unknown tongues. I have never experienced number three, I believe I have experienced much of number two – but I would call that ‘a continual filling’ not ‘a baptism’, – and I have definitely sought after the fullness of God’s will for my life regularly. I never have been a member of a ‘Pentecostal’ or ‘Charismatic’ church, but I do recognise the validity of ‘life in the Spirit’ with all the fullness that brings (Romans 8:1-17). There is no doubt that Christ-centred, Holy Spirit empowered living is a good thing. As Christians and as churches, we do need to be renewed regularly and that renewing usually involves painful changes of structure and tradition. But the emphases of some groups concerns me. Some imply the creating of a Christian elite (Charismatic or non-Charismatic). Others claim to have specific new divine revelation – sometimes beyond testing, because testing is said to show lack of submission to leaders. Others have an obsession with demons. More have an advertised focus on the material blessings of health and wealth in this world. All of these are practices that trouble my peace before God. As I try to “understand what the Lord’s will is”, Ephesians 5:17, and to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”, Ephesians 5:21, I must also remember to “accept one another, just as Christ accepted me, in order to bring praise to God”, Romans 15:7. I believe no-one should imprison God the Holy Spirit within a rigid frame. He will break out from it anyway! (John 3:34; John 3:8). We are well advised to be careful in saying ‘never’, concerning the Holy Spirit – unless it is something against the character of the God Whom He is. And we are also well advised against saying ‘everyone’, ‘must’, and ‘always’. (See my suggested ways of discerning, chapter 41). God made a large variety of people. He surely intends to meet and use them all in a variety of ways. Beware of always wanting ‘more’. Jesus Christ is sufficient for everything (Romans 7:24-25). Giving more and more of yourself over to Him is the key. Beware of always seeking ‘power’. Jesus Christ shows best through weak people, not strong people (2 Corinthians 12:9,10). Beware of seeking ‘evidence’ that can be seen just to prove a point. Jesus Christ encouraged believing without seeing (John 20:29). Scripture clearly teaches that the Holy Spirit would enable the Christian church to witness powerfully to those outside of its ranks. Beware of diverting too much energy that could be used in witnessing, into merely debate with other Christians (Acts 1:4; 1:8; Acts 2:4; 2:11; Acts 4:8; 4:31; etc. and Acts 15:1-35). The phrase “baptism with the Holy Spirit” occurs seven times in the Bible.Matthew 3:11; Mark 1:8; Luke 3:16; and John 1:33, are all accounts of John the Baptist predicting what Jesus would do. Acts 1:5 records Jesus Himself promising something that would happen a few days later. In Acts 11:15-16 Peter compares the events at Cornelius’ house with what Jesus had said. And in 1 Corinthians 12:13 Paul states that the unity of the Christian church is based upon this one ‘baptism by, with or in, the Spirit’ into the body of Christ. I believe ‘baptism with the Holy Spirit’ is the initial event by which people become born-again Christians (John 3:3-8). Outside of many churches I visited in Sudan there were large water bottles known as ziirs. Usually there were one or two tin cups nearby for people to use taking a drink of water. Anyone could drink from the water. As a khawaja I used to take my own water to those meetings in a plastic bottle, because my body would not be used to the untreated water from the area wells. It was my weakness, not my elitism, which made me do this! Ultimately, all of the water that everyone drank came from the rainfall God gave. Some of it was brought to the surface from underground streams at wells in the sprawling urban areas. Some of it was bottled in the factories of Khartoum North and sold on to consumers. More of it was piped by Khartoum Water into peoples houses in return for a monthly payment. I did also see a little water being drunk directly from the river – but I would not recommend that to anyone! The Holy Spirit is the living water of God. He brings God’s life into our lives. We may have a variety of different experiences. We must not let that variety divide us. The unity we have in all drinking from the same life-giving Spirit, unites us in a way that marks us all out together, from the world around us (John 14:17; 1 Corinthians 12:13). Thinking it through. (a). What do many Christians share in common, that makes all divisions concerning the Holy Spirit very sad? (b). What are the differences (if any) between ‘being baptised with the Holy Spirit’ Acts 1:4-5, and ‘being filled with the Holy Spirit’ Ephesians 5:18? (c). What differences are there (if any) in the end result in a believers’ life? (d). While it is right to ‘seek, knock and ask’ for a greater experience of God (Matthew 6:33; Matthew 7:7), what dangers are there in always wanting more? (Philippians 4:4; Philippians 4:13).